SAHA

It was that extremely hot summer of 2007 when things started to fall apart. Or maybe things had been falling apart for a longer period of time and it had only gone unnoticed for me. It is hard to say what is the truth and I can´t remember so well anymore. Nevertheless it was that very very hot summer when you and me were too much apart already. Me occupied with my job out of town and you busy with your own stuff, I´m ashamed to admit now, I was never even too interested in knowing about. 

When we were together again you told me I looked good with the new muscles that I had got from working on a construction and I tell you, you look beautiful and thinner after that new diet of yours, not knowing that you have actually developed a eating disorder while I was gone over some shit I had said. And we would try to fix things with drunken sex with third parties during those sweaty nights together. 

And he roughs you up while I watch and I know that it get´s you off and you enjoy it. You tell me how good he is with his fingers and tongue and how good it feels to be taken like that. I love you and I don´t mind.

Only this one time something is wrong and you start crying.

and

I don´t know how to react.

Until my jealousy suddenly takes over.
 These feelings I didn´t know to exist they come pouring down like a violent rain. They rush through my heart, my arms and fists and everything I had kept suppressed  I now let flow out, through  my arms, my fists into this rope and  squeeze around his neck.
 I hope you feel better now my love, seeing the lengths I´m willing to go.